About Us

Hello and welcome to the history of Antique Bandit Interactive! Here at the company, which is currently known as the full name of Antique Bandit Interactive Universe International, we take pride in what we create, despite what people say about us. Our hours are excellent, but enough about the company. Let us tell you about the history of the company!

That paragraph above there smells of overworked website editors. How typical, Antique Bandit. Mr. Error couldn't even be bothered to research the company he became CEO of, could he?


Our company started in 1960 as one of the pioneers of a new type of entertainment: video games. Because our creator, Allan Bandit, and his grandfather, nicknamed "Antique Bandit," both liked to read and write, they decided to start a company together. Seeing how entertainment was starting to turn towards more interactive fields, Allan knew he had to start making games that were comprised of text. Rumors claim that he eventually planned on making "actual games," but he stuck with text adventures and everyone at Antique Bandit is glad about that.

Liars, liars, pants on fire. The only reason your founder never went past basic text advenures is because he was too prideful and stubborn to learn how to at least Space Invaders clones or something.

The first game made by the new company was The Egg, a text adventure set in medieval times where you play as a late dragon hatchling. Despite amazing reviews at the time, the game has unfortunately been forgotten. There isn't even access to a full version anymore, as any finished project files were lost during a massive power outage in 1984.

Or maybe one of you decided to simply destroy the servers? You've been bleeding money since your inception. Filing for bankruptcy would basically mean death, but you needed those tax collectors off your backs. Why not make use of that new power plant you bought and shut down everything for a while? Nobody would suspect a thing.

Antique Bandit Interactiveactually published another game that year, titled The Void. Not too much is known about the game, although the lucky few people who remember playing it say it was about "Antique Bandit" himself trapping you in a void until you released his spirit. This would not make sense, however, as Grandpa Bandit wouldn't die until 1980.

Didn't police reports say Grandpa Bandit's death might have involved foul play? I'm not gonna claim I believe that computer programs can gain sentience, but it is rather suspicious.

While Allan was proud of his company, he was tired of making basic text adventures, so after the first two games were released, he decided to start making a bunch of different games at the same time, seeing which projects were good and which were not so good. The company was actually seeing some good profits after the success of their two games. However, the previously-mentioned power outage in 1984 killed all the games and sent Allan's motivation into the abyss with it. Some rumors say that somebody actually stole all the games data and then caused the power outage themselves. Other rumors claim that one of the games involved the creation of an AI that escaped the game world. Neither rumor is true. We can go into that some other time if you wish.

Stop trying to fool people. Smart people will realize that you won't talk about anything if you don't have to. While the idea of a game coming to life is rather silly, I'm starting to think it might be possible. I smell a rat, and I can't help but think that you guys might be trying to make games come to life, and have had to kill or severely injure innocent people who found out in the process. I have actual proof that all the game files, both finished and unfinished, exist, as I keep seeing floppies of them for sale from credible sites. Every time I see one, I buy it, and it's always one of those projects you "lost in the power outage." Also, for a company who wants to claim a game didn't come alive (which, mind you, is a rather specific rumor all things considered), your games sure focus on robots and AI quite a bit. And don't even get me started on that Bicycle Training program that you thankfully couldn't sell in stores.

In 1985, our founder died from a broken heart. Many people believed that the company would go down with him, but the struggling company percevered, and in 1994 they released the first version of their longest game, The Robot. Right? Well, oddly enough, nobody remembers the game existing pubically, although this is impossible because we have a record of the game sales. Some of the confusion might be from another seperate game, "Robot," although said game has actually never existed and is more or less vaporware.

Robot is not vaporware. I've actually played version 1.10 of it, so I should know. What many people won't realize is that after you guys released The Robots (a different game entirely), you continued to bleed money, but the game sold so poorly that you had to downsize. You refused to give up on making games, but you could only assign a few people to work on Robot, since everyone else at the company had to either pack their bags or make some sort of cheap novelty program and sell it for thousands of dollars based on the concept of it alone. Somehow, you found a loophole that allowed you to scam people out of money by not giving them a refund. I guess it came down to the fact that your "products" did "function," albeit not very well.


About Us!


(c) 1999-2010

January 1st, 2015