Alien Investigation Force
Welcome to the AI Force main page! We've been around a long time. That kind of thing carries weight. But we assume many of you don't know who we are, so let us explain a little bit about ourselves.
History of the Unabashed Ripoff:
In 1931, our founder (who shall not be named for the time being) was born. He was a very quirky fellow, never one for much chit chat. He also didn't have many friends growing up, and once he got out of school, he didn't have much to do, either. His parents didn't really care what he did, and our founder had nothing particular in mind. So, he just wandered about endlessly.
One day, he was walking during a thunderstorm, like an idiot. Around him was nothing but tall wheat fields. As you might expect, he got struck by lightning. The force knocked him off his feet. In all honesty, he should have died right then and there. However, as he lay on the ground, he was given a vision of two cogs, spinning together, in the cosmos. An AI generated version (courtesy of the Dall-e Mini/Craiyon AI program, please credit them if using these images; all images, unless otherwise stated, are generated with that program) has been provided below:
Inspired by these transpiring events, in 1956, our founder opened up the Alien Investigation Force, with the aim to contain and protect alien entities from human forces, as well as study them and see if they could ever be incorporated into normal, human society. Then our founder got run over by a double decker bus.
Although our founder is long gone, his legacy remains with us to this very day. Below you will see links to various entities we have captured and studied. Each link will lead you to a page that lists the being's name, age, and various other details. We also listed if the creature is alive or not, based on a scale. Extinct is self-explanatory; the creature no longer exists, nor does any other known creature that is of its same type or species. Endangered usually means that the entity we have of a species is dead, but there may be a few others out there. Living is the default rating for all creatures who are alive in our care. We also have a Danger level ranking, also based on a scale. The first level is Pacifist. Pacifist generally indicates that the creature is very docile, and not prone to attacking at all. In fact, pacifistic entities generally abhor violence. Next is Peaceful. Peaceful entities may attack, but only if they feel they are strong enough or willing enough to do so. They tend to be the most terrified of entities, acting like scared rabbits. They're also less likely to try and defend themselves. Because of this, we have taken it upon ourselves to avoid any experiments that may hurt Peaceful entities, physically, mentally, or otherwise. These entities are instead treated more as pets or scared children. All experiments we try on them involve safe, pleasant interactions where we try to get them to act less scared, if at all possible. The next level after that is Friendly. Friendly entities are more likely than Peaceful entities to actually defend themselves, although they're most comparable to a well-trained, well-treated Golden Retriever, or other such "friendly" dogs. These entities also tend to be more curious about their surroundings, are more likely to want to help anyone and everyone, and are also more likely to try and interact with various other entities in the facility. The next level is Docile. Docile entities are more prone to attacking than Friendly entities, however, that only happens if Docile entities feel provoked. As long as they are treated well, and not poked and prodded too much, they are generally safe to be around. The next level is Angry. Angry entities are more prone to anger than other entities listed prior, and, as such, are also more likely to attack. However, they are usually quite easy to calm down, once our faculty get to know them. As long as they stay calm, they are not deemed too threatening. The next level is Unintentionally Damaging. These entities, as the title suggest, are prone to more threatening attacks, and can even kill in rare cases, but they have been deemed as having no control over such things. These entities must be cared for carefully, but regardless of the danger, we gladly welcome them here at our facility. The next level is Unpredictable. Unpredictable entities, as you might have guessed, can be hard to deal with. They tend to be quite violent sometimes, often with no rhyme or reason. However, we still value their inclusion here at our facility, and believe that despite how unpredictable, and often deadly, they are, these entities still deserve to live a good life, or as good of one as we can provide. Next is Dangerous. These entities are simply dangerous, and must be handled only by our second-highest level of faculty. These entities may have something that makes them calm or even docile, but that can be hard to determine right away, and some entities with this label take years or even longer to provide our researchers with any information that can help calm them down. The last level is Ripper. These entities are the most dangerous. All faculty put in charge of handling them must have a specific, protective suit, and authorized, company-grade weapons on them AT ALL TIMES. Rippers are quite intelligent, often killing for sport or just for the fun of it. However, for whatever reason, they have never tried to kill any of the other entities in the facility. We don't understand what comradery they share with other entities, or why even our most pacifistic entities don't become an easy target in their eyes, but we are thankful for that. If you are wondering, yes, we did fire the buffoons responsible for putting Peaceful entities in the same room as a Ripper entity. With that out of the way, how about you look through our index of entities?
Entity 8:
Name: "The Exterminating Toy Robot"
Type: A toy robot with a bloodlust
Age: Unknown
Living Status: Living
Danger Level: Ripper
Description: This is one of only a few Ripper level entities we have at the facility, which is probably a bit of a good thing, even if we don't hold any ill will towards any entity, regardless of how dangerous it is. This entity was found in a supposedly-haunted house back in 1983. We were actually called in by the local police, who claimed that something had started firing at them. We went in wearing our most heavily-armored suits and equipment. Immediately, this entity started shooting at us. Thankfully, we were able to stay safe in our suits. We followed the shots up to a kid's bedroom. Near a dusty, dirty bed stood the entity we've called "The Exterminating Toy Robot." Around it were the skeletal remains of three persons, two adults and a child. The police say they were looking through the house after checking on rumors that a drug smuggler was using the place. It turned out they had been given a bad tip, but the discovery of this house did help us isolate a dangerous entity, and put to rest the remains of three missing persons. What is noteworthy is that there were only human bones surrounding the robot. On the bed itself was a bird's nest with fresh eggs. We had to get out with the robot when a mother bird came back and started attacking us. As we would discover later, this discrepency wasn't merely coincidental.
Once the entity had been contained, we started to study it. Of the entities we've had in our care, it's certainly one of the more vocal ones, and definitely one of the angriest, too. Having already noticed how it had killed its three human owners, but left the birds alone, we had various faculty ask it about that. Its answer was quite blunt.
"Humans do not deserve respect if they cannot treat the world around them with respect."
We asked it about the people it killed, as part of our way to understand it better, and to give the police a more concrete report on the events that transpired.
"I do not have to answer to you humans."
Although tempted to threaten it with destruction, we instead tried to appeal to its softer side, saying that we merely wanted to learn more about it. This didn't seem to appeal to its softer side, but it sure did appeal to its prideful side.
"You humans show curiosity and fear toward me. That indicates I have some level of power over you. As such, I will answer your silly, puny-brained questions. What do you wish to know first?"
"Who did you kill first?" One of our more seasoned employees asked. "And how did it transpire?"
"I killed the boy first. He tended to play quite rough with me, so he had it coming. However, I did nothing at the time as he had only shown malice towards me, and not any other individuals. He also seemed to show malice towards his parents, but I did not believe it was my job to parent him. I only killed him after he started to pick on a girl he brought over one day. He kept pulling at her curled hair. To lower suspicion, I waited until she had left, and then I struck."
The robot noted that it had the ability to shoot microbullets, which could be quite painful, and were notoriously deadly if swallowed. Not that the poor boy had to worry about that. According to the robot, the boy screamed, before the robot pulled the kid's tongue out. Then the parents ran upstairs and opened the door.
"What did you do when the parents arrived?"
"I did nothing at first. I had hoped the parents would understand. Instead, the father tried to stomp on me with his boot, and the mother ran down to grab a broom, which she used to swat me. Realizing that they, and every other human, would never understand my reasoning for doing things, I killed them."
The robot went into excessively-graphic detail describing how it left them to bleed out. It pulled out some limbs and everything. The robot then threatened to kill the person interviewing it. As far as the robot was concerned, the employee laughed it off, getting up and saying that the robot couldn't do anything to him. However, when the employee tried the door to the room, only to find it was locked from the inside (one thing to note is that at that time, we had doors that were locked from the outside, with the idea being to try and keep the creatures from escaping, although that has long ago changed). The robot then brought up that it could make doors lock thanks to a magnetic pull it had. From what we gathered, the robot told us this with the clear expectation that we'd change that to try and make things more safe, although it said it didn't care, claiming it would bide its time and wait for the right moment to kill all of us. Anyway, some employees were walking down the hallway containing all of the cells, when they heard screaming and rushed over. Through the barred window in the door to the cell, they at first only saw the robot, holding a severed arm. Then they saw the rest of the employee, who was now in pieces. It seems quite unnecessary to go into detail about that.
After replacing the doors, during the process of which Entity 8 was surprisingly and unnervingly calm and nonviolent, we set in place new procedures to deal with entities. We expected very little of note to transpire further from Entity 8. Then, in 1984, Entity 8 caused a blackout in the facility. He made the light circuits blow during a severe thunderstorm, making us believe that the power had gone out because of that. To complicate matters, weather reports on the radio claimed there were outages in our area anyway. Wanting to make sure none of the entities tried to escape, we continued working during that time. Soon, the storm passed, but the power had yet to come back on. We got ahold of our power company, and they said they'd come out and take a look the next day. Those of us not working with the entities were holed up inside the lounge area, with a fridge that ran on a backup generator, and couch and everything needed to sleep there for the night, which we decided to do just to make sure none of the entities got the idea of trying to break into any of the control rooms and take over the facility. This was mainly due to the little killer robot, but it turns out he had other plans in mind.
Some of us went out to greet the person coming out to look at our electrical. After ten minutes of working on it, a couple of us got concerned, and asked the technician what the problem was, and he says that the electrical was fried from the inside somehow. Mind you, none of us had ventured out into the area with all the creatures yet, mainly out of fear of seeing anything scary in that dark hallway. A couple of us, upon hearing that the electrical had been damaged from inside, went to the others still in the lounge and told them. We then all huddled around and waited for the power to come back on. When it did, we all cautiously ventured into the hallway, expecting the worst. Still, it was worse than we had imagined. The hallway was littered with the body parts of various employees. The walls were . . . well, use your imagination. The killer robot was already back in his cell. Had he not gloated about his accomplishments during the period, including him willingly shorting out the power to the facility, we would have not learned about his interactions with the other entities.
His first visit was to Entity 1. We learned from him explaining how he got to each cell, that he had built-in flashlights in his eyes. It visited Entity 1, said a few words, and then left. Its interactions, or lack there of, with the birds made it clear that Entity 1 probably wasn't in any real danger from it. More surprising was how it reacted to Entity 2. As expected from prior experience involving Entity 5, The Man showed some fear. However, he was left unharmed. When asked about this, the robot explained, "that man is mostly harmless and defenseless, perhaps just mildly senile. I also feel a sense of warning when looking at those marks on his forehead, and do not wish to deal with the rammifications of messing with him." This may be the only entity, human or otherwise, that the robot has shown some sort of fear towards. Entity 3 and Entity 4, the orginal ones, are not relevant here, but needless to say, they were left unharmed. Entity 8 had already met Entity 5 when Entity 5, Norman, had greeted the killer robot. However, neither robot seemed to really care for the other all too much, and seem content to stay out of each other's way. Entity 6, the rubber ducks, seemed uninteresting to the robot, and were left alone, although the robot did say that it would try to communicate with the ducks sometime. To this day, we still have no idea if it was being serious, or just joking. As for Entity 7, the robot didn't seem afraid of it for whatever reason; in fact it claimed that you could safely look at the portrait for three to four hours without any ill effects. We have yet to test this out, however, considering these are words coming from a killer robot. Although we are curious how the robot even knows about how long you can safely stare at the portrait for. If we're absolutely desperate, we may force the robot into the same cell as Entity 7, and make it stare until the three or four hours pass, either with nothing happening, or the robot disappearing (hopefully it can't kill the employees trapped in there, if they're still alive). After that, it went back to its cell and waited for the power to come back on.
Following this event, we knew some more drastic measures had to be taken. Not dismantling or destroying measures per se. Instead, we needed more security to keep ourselves and possibly others safe. Here at the Alien Investigation Force Headquarters, we pride ourselves in our ethical treatment of the entities under our care. We know that using padded rooms is a bit weird, but we've had no complaints about that so far, and are willing to let entities wander about the facility if they really want to, just as long as they don't abuse that privilege. We do our best to care for them, whether that be feeeding them, talking to them, even cleaning and bathing them if necessary. We also take pride in our jobs here, and believe in providing as much privacy for our entities whenever possible. This tends to include other Ripper level entities in our care, who are typically well-behaved, if absolutely deadly towards workers. We say all of this to make the point that it wasn't a good day having to put a camera in the cell/room with the robot. However, it had already caused a lot of trouble, and we needed to track it better than we had. Much like when we installed new doors, the robot was eerily calm while we installed a camera. We should have suspected it had something up its sleeve, but we thought it might be done with its bloodlust after already having killed so many people.
For a little while, it did nothing. Then in 1985, it hatched its latest scheme. The camera we had installed in its cell was designed to track the robot at all times. Unbeknownst to us, the robot happened to be able to cloak itself. It wasn't a very good cloaking; human eyes could still see the robot just fine. However, the cloak used a specific light frequency that, when seen by the camera, was not picked up, and thus made the robot look like it had disappeared. Had we been thinking rationally, we would have probably realized that this was possibly a trap. However, the incident from the prior year was still fresh in our minds. During 1985, we happened to have a special group of fourty-two buff workers. They were trained to deal with taking down any entities nonlethally, being trained on how to handle each entity carefully. They had all been trained specifically to stick together, and not to split up. The first place they checked was the exit door in the hallway. When they found it locked, and had made sure there was no way the robot had escaped, they looked into all the other rooms, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Then they checked the robot's room itself. Upon seeing the robot still in the room, confusion set in. They opened the door. A few seconds later, we heard screaming, and went to help, only to find all doors leading to the hallway were locked, seemingly by the robot. We watched as the robot dazed the workers with his now-electrified hands, then used a laser in his eyes to burn our their eyes, and then tore them limb from limb, before exiting back into his room, the door closing behind him. This was the final straw for the robot. A few of our employees went inside wearing the same protective suits as always. In his cell, etched into the wall with his laser it seemed, was the number 42. The robot was spinning its head, sparking, laughing maniacally. It repeated over and over, in a very loud voice, "I am quite the fan of Douglas Adams." We're almost certain it was trying to make us deaf.
We kept the robot in a metal box, while its cell underwent renovations. The new cell had lights not connected to any others, with walls of reinforced steel covering it top to bottom, left to right. We then put the robot inside, and installed a door that only a select few employees, mainly those who knew what the robot was capable of and were able to handle it. Furthermore, the door can only be opened with a keycard. To this day, the robot has remained in there. Sometimes it mockingly pleads with us to let it out, saying it's lonely and wants to see the new addditions to the facility. When we tell it no, it just laughs, saying that us humans are way too funny. Many times, it insists it will have its revenge. As of now, our main focus is to try and find some use, if any, that there may be for this robot. We have also, regretably, brainstormed ways to get rid of it if necessary. The outside of its door has a yellow Caution sign on it, with plenty of caution tape and various warnings to indicate this robot is not safe to be around. Human care directed at this robot is minimal, and we entrust only the top of our personal to care for it. Over the years, this robot has jokingly been given an unofficial, new Danger level of Malicious, with employees claiming that it's so dangerous, even Rippers are scared of it. We have yet to test this claim, even if it is just a joke.
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